From the Hospital Bed
by Sylindara
Summary: The things they share. Teikou Era NijiAka [Canonical character death]


Akashi does not feel indecision. Hesitancy is not built into him. But on that day, standing outside the Teacher's Lounge, doubt enters his head. Those words had not been meant for his ears. If he leaves now, if he pretends he didn't hear anything–

Nothing needs to change.

"_But if something happens, if it's in a match I would abandon it and go to the hospital. Even if it's not like that, if I get the notice that he's worsened, I doubt I'd be able to keep playing basketball calmly or anything."_

Akashi remembers: the smell of sickness, a house that lost its warmth, and unending lessons while someone battled for their life so very far away – in place he could not reach, not while surrounded on all sides by books and brushes and musical instruments and things that did not matter. As if he can turn away now.

Nijimura-san comes out of the room looking like nothing had changed. And maybe Akashi could have kept up that pretence. Maybe he had kept up that pretence in a different life. But in this one there is no pretending. Everything has changed and Akashi can no more deny that than he can deny himself. Akashi knows what he has to do. He steps forward.

* * *

There are no more pats on the head. No more reassurances that everything will be taken care of. It isn't Nijimura-san's place. It isn't Akashi's place. Nijimura-san is still his sempai, but Akashi is his captain now. Even if no one else knows it yet, the two of them does. It is his turn to support Nijimura-san.

It feels only right, then, that the first thing to do is to deal with Haizaki; his behaviour reflects poorly on Teikou, on Nijimura-san, on himself. Akashi doesn't consult Nijimura-san before he acts. Nijimura-san says nothing to Akashi afterwards. But that does not matter. Akashi is there to do what Nijimura-san cannot. That is what Nijimura-san needs.

"_We're not a buddy-buddy club. Sure we're teammates; but competitors too. Even you've pushed one of us off to get onto the bench. Conversely, if your play gets even a little careless, someone will push you off soon enough."_

Akashi does not fail. Akashi never fails. But he can comprehend the pain of failure. He imagines how much it must have hurt Nijimura-san to admit – even if only to himself – that he couldn't fix Haizaki in the end. But trying to fix people never works. It is better to learn that as soon as possible.

* * *

The first time Akashi visits Coach Shirogane in the hospital is with Nijimura-san. It is not for Nijimura-san. It is not for himself. But in a way, it is for both of them.

"_His condition is stable. Right now he is hospitalised and resting. But unfortunately…he won't be returning as Coach."_

It doesn't make a difference that Shirogane isn't dying. That Akashi's mother died in a hospital much nicer than this. That Nijimura-san's father lies, right now, in a hospital much bigger than this. All illnesses are the same. All hospitals are the same. Nijimura-san doesn't mention how familiar Akashi acts, navigating through the formalities and corridors for visiting the sick. Akashi extends him the same courtesy.

Looking at the Coach lying in the hospital bed, the ubiquitous gown draped on him and making him look even more fragile, is like looking into a window to the past. The fatigue that comes from battling a failing body, the gauntness of death, the way he smiles as if he can fool them of the truth. History repeats and all Akashi can do is accept. It must be the same for Nijimura-san because his hand creeps into Akashi's, behind their backs where Coach Shirogane cannot see.

Their hands stay together the whole time they are in the hospital room. Even as sweat gathers in Nijimura-san's palm and the tips of Akashi's fingers start tingling from how hard they are gripping at each other.

It doesn't show on their faces. That's all that matters.

* * *

Interhigh ends and the third years leave. Nijimura-san says he will no longer be involved with the club. Akashi takes it as no more than his due. Nijimura-san has bigger things to worry about.

But once, not long after the third years retire, while summer still clings to them like a reluctant child, Akashi takes Nijimura-san to his mother's grave.

It is not yet Obon. But the priest at the temple is discreet and very familiar with the Akashi family. He guides the two of them to the Akashi's family private gravesite without a word. Nijimura-san laughs a little at that. He always did find Akashi's excesses amusing.

They clean the grave together, even though it doesn't need cleaning. It doesn't need the new flowers Akashi lays next to the fresh ones that were just changed that morning either. But this is for Akashi and Nijimura-san.

Nijimura-san kneels deferentially beside him while Akashi introduces him to his mother, and then introduces his mother to him. It is dark by the time Akashi finish talking. It means something that Nijimura-san kneels there the whole time while Akashi talked. The same way Akashi had sat with Nijimura-san at his father's hospital bedside and listened to Nijimura-san talk about the man who saved him from himself while his father breathed shallowly in his sleep.

They kiss by the gravesite, a chaste brush of lips, because Akashi's mother had said she wanted to be there to give Akashi her tears at his wedding. There will be no weddings in her future. But at least he can give her this. There are no weddings in their future either; Nijimura-san dreams of foreign shores and an impossible cure, Akashi dreams of nothing at all but the victory that does not let him down. They can have nothing more than this.

That is the first and last time they are together. It isn't Nijimura-san's Akashi anymore after that and that matters.


End file.
